Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
