She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
