I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
