I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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