Whats the glycemic index on semen?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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