If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
