I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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