I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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