she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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