I need help removing her.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
