who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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