ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
