READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
