There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
