Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
