I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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