Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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