glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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