I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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