We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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