Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
