So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
