everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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