the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
