If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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