I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
