he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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