So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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