dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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