I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
