i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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