is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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