U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
