I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
