So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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