Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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