i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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