Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
