well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
