Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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