After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
