twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
