he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
