you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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