found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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