it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
