How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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