2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
