Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
