He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
