I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
