If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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