hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
