I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
